First things first: It’s pronounced “eye oh ee”, or maybe “I yo ee”, and it’s just homemade mayonnaise stuffed full of garlic.

I have a lot to say about garlic because I grow and use large amounts of the stuff. But tonight it’s just about aioli, which everyone should know how to make (he said, having just learned how to make it).

Aioli is just mayonnaise with garlic added. I suppose you could just buy mayonnaise and add garlic to it, but where’s the fun in that?

Put an egg yolk, a pinch of salt and 3 or 4 cloves of chopped up garlic in the bowl of a small food processor. Whip it up for 4 or 5 seconds. Add the juice of half a lemon. Whip that up for a few more seconds. Then take about a cup of oil – pure olive oil if you want it really punchy, or half olive oil, half something neutral like canola oil if you want something more subtle (or as subtle as it can be given the amount of garlic) – get the food processor going and start dripping in the oil in as thin and slow a stream as you can manage. Adding the oil slowly is critical, as it needs to emulsify into the mixture a bit at a time. You’ll be pouring it in for a minute or two, or maybe three. When it’s all added, you’ll have the creamiest, most garlicy mayonnaise you ever dipped a fried potato in.

Yes, this will keep vampires away. It will keep half-vampires away, werewolves, zombies, mothers-in-law, tax collectors, lovers, plumbers, heart surgeons, overly friendly dogs… it will keep them all away. Aioli is strong stuff.

Not recommended for date night use in the early stages of a relationship. To make plain mayonnaise, use the above recipe and then remove the garlic.